08:34 February 23, 2013

On being a guy and looking good

The best way to think about it is that realize that you are, essentially, a monkey, and that your attitude towards making yourself "good looking", as so emphatically quoted, should go with the presentation of the monkey as best as possible.

So most of this stuff comes to maintenance. You ain't paintin' a masterpiece, to quote The Furniture Guys . You're getting a monkey to the point that its going to look like everyone else's polished monkey that struts and frets its hour upon the stage.

Get a haircut. Take a shower. Shave. Put on deodorant. Clip your fingernails and toenails. Comb your hair, if applicable, potentially after your don your shirt. Maybe groom your ear and/or nose hair, if such is considered proper for the particulars of your situation.

Your outfit is an area where you can express your feelings and ambitions: if you are looking for an analog of females' grooming ritual, full of intent and meaning, then this is the closest you're gonna get, guys. So get creative here, as appropriate to the occasion.

And that's it! The important part is ending it here vs. trying to make yourself be some sort of piece of art, you silly monkey. Be a guy, if that's what you're trying to be, and play the role of guy and not forget that you're not a kid and you're not a girl. You're role is to affect protocol, not to be fancy, and you fulfill your role as a monkey by affecting protocol, not trying to be the most attractive. There's no reason to get all bent out of shape about it: you're just a monkey. If there's a fancy hat party or other sort of occasion, or, goddess-willing, some girl wants to forcibly dress you as a female and have their way with you as their "lesbian" lover, feel free to partake in these shenanigans in contrast to these guidelines. But by the same token, there's also no reason to try to present yourself like you're actually aesthetically pleasing: you're just a monkey. No male knows why girls find us attractive; all we can know, for sure, is for some reason they do, no matter how we gussie ourselves up or make ourselves for them some will find us attractive, some won't, and that maybe if we just focus on this grooming thing from the point of view of protocol that they won't really realize (or at least will be able to overlook) that we are just a gussied-up monkeys.

[Note: this is written, as implied, from a heterosexual male (human) point of view (and not necessarily the most typical, hopefully towards credence of the unification implied therein for that specific point of view). This is not to suggest, in any way, shape, or form, that any sort of validity of the piece is necessarily extensible to other gender-identification modes.]