[In an airplane]

Man [to his wife]:  We've been cicling the airport for close to 45
minutes now--

[Bong!]

Captain: This is your captain again.  I'd like to apologize for the
long delay.  They're putting a lot of planes down, so we're just
waiting for the go ahead to set down ourselves.  I'll contact ground
control and see where we are in the queue.

[Bong!]

Captain: This is your captain again.  They want us to circle for
another couple of hours.  And I've just been informed that we're out
of coffee. 

[Pause]

Captain: Ladies and gentlemen...I've tried to be patient, but this time they've
gone too far.  I say we take this plane down by force, however we
can.  Who's with me?

[Everyone cheers. Pause]

Captain:  I'm sorry, I just realized that the cockpit is sound-proof.  If
you're with me, tap the call button.

[Everyone taps the call button]

Captain:  That's what I like to see.  I'm coming out.

[Captain enters from cockpit]

Captain:  I had to take care of the co-pilot since, for some reason,
he wasn't down with our murderous little scheme.  I've been flying
aircraft since Vietnam, and I have the skills to take this puppy down.  I've
imagined this day in my head....dreamed about it, wondered if it would
ever be.  But today something snapped.  I mean, I had a revelation!
We'll need weapons.

Crazy militia guy [pulls out some rifles]:  Plastic.  They never check
a man's false leg.

Possibly an Arab:  I smuggle on board a bomb.  I was going to use it
for hijacking in the name of Jyhad, but what the hell?

Captain:  Thank you crazy militia guy and....thank you possibly an Arab.  Crazy
militia guy, poke a hole in the glass when I start the nose dive and
shoot any targets of opportunity.  Possibly an Arab, drop
the bomb when I start to level off.

Crazy militia guy and Possibly an Arab [saluting]:  Oh Captain my Captain!

[craziness ensues.  The plane dives, firing rounds and dropping the
bomb.  Gratuituous action movie explosions.  The airplane crashes into
the terminal.  More explosions.  Sirens + a helicopter go up.  Armed
forces surround the plane.  The captain steps out amidst blood +
carnage and is approach by an armed forces officer]

Officer [to Captain]: This is by far the worst case of deliberate
reckless endangerment to lives I have seen in my years working for the
airline industry.  What is your major malfunction?

[Enters Tom Cruise]

Tom Cruise:  This man's only major malfunction is
being the greatest Ameican hero this airport's ever seen.  

Everyone:  Top Gun's Maverick!

Tom Cruise:  Hey, I've done other things too.

Everyone:  The crazy guy that grabbed that man's tie and --

Tom Cruise:  That's right, I'm Maverick from Top Gun!
Being a hero might be difficult for a man like you
to understand.  Perhaps as a boy he dreamed just a little too hard.
If crash-landing a plane at gun-point so that the passengers could get
a fresh cup of joe is a crime, then maybe we should just tear up the
Declaration of Independence and start singing God Save the Queen.  But
not in my America.  And take poor Timmy Johnson.  Timmy could have
died in that extra hour in the air without his inhaler.  
Admittedly, he was impaled
on a steel beam and perished in the crash, but that's not what's
important.  What's important is heart, and this man [embraces captain]
has enough of that to crash land twenty planes at gunpoint.  What say I fly you
home?

Captain:  How about I fly you home, sir?

Tom Cruise:  You've got it, Captain.  [Salutes]

[Top gun music (http://www.lippije.hu/blog/zax/top_gun.mp3) plays. 
They manage to take off, despite the horrible
condition of the plane, destroying the terminal in the process.  The
plane hits the helicopter sending it crashing, destroying another
terminal. God bless America.]