An ex of mind once said, "If it weren't for sex, the world would be a boring place." I was shocked at the truth of this brazen statement, but as I have thought abot it, what I find abhorrent about it is that it speaks from the perspective of the gods, not of fail, jealous, suffering humanity. One might equally say, "You need a Hitler every so often to shake up the place."

The only worthwhile pursuit in life is telepathy -- opening and connecting with other conciousness in the deep substrata of the mind. You can put mystical significance uon this, or you can equate telepathy to deep psychology. From far enough away, the perspectives are similarly naive.

Maybe Hryn and the Buddha are correct. Well, of course they are. The only truth is undifferentiated conciousness and any ascription of identity is fundamentally flawed. Still, as a human being, I have had great conversations and more with other human beings. More frustrating, on a daily basis I see couples with simpatico. I think ... why doesn't this happen to me?

I suppose part of the problem is that I want the pill without the poison. What I want:

What I don't want:

Is this a self-consistent set of criteria? I'm not sure, to be honest.

There are two entangled flaws with my wish for love and closeness:

  1. Sexuality, while rich with telepathy, is a poor basis for a relationship contingent on trust and honesty. That being said, a sexual relationship is the only option (barring a few exceptions) of a deep and abiding lifelong relationship. While this is certainly socially true, it is more fundamental than conditioning. Humans are sexual creatures. We often like to pretend we're not, bt it is an act. While if I could choose between my misery and the comparatively bland but perhaps easier hypothetical non-sexual existence, I would choose the latter, it is not a choice I am capable of. I'm attracted to girls. I woldn't want to live with a guy. I like monogamous relationships. I can't pretend I could handle enlightened polyamory. For that matter, I haven't known any polyamorous people that could really handle it either.
  2. Sexuality is a trait serving procreation, not ideas. Sex is the ultimate weapon in evolution's arsenal. While I desire a relationship for my own comforts and pursuit of meaning, the basis of sexuality is procreation. I want a nice telepathic relationship, but, as much as I would want, it cannot be so easily severed from nature's ends. I always wished there was a sex "option" for those that didn't want children, but such is a nice idea with no substance.

So where does this leave me? I can pretend I'm a monk and attempt the practice of telepathy without attachment. Or I can pursue a relationship, hoping that somehow I can find someone where we can give each other a measure of comfort against the odds of the universe. I'm no monk. While I will endeavor to become less attached to this mortal coil, I cannot live as one looking and never touching. So I'll look for closeness and hope, in this world of three billion girls, I happen across one with simpatico wishes.