Paul Bunyan on the Rio 
----------------------

The day ole Paul got to Montana, he walked up and down that state
felling every tree in sight. After another night of matching the
loggers in the camp in a drinking contest -- Paul drinking a barrel of
applejack for each shot taken by the other men -- the clangin' of the
triangle said it was breakfast time.

One of the loggers asked ole Paul, "Say Paul, if you can log a whole
state in a day, what do ya need the rest of us around for? I kinda feel
like a patsy."

Paul Bunyan, sitting up and put his hands to his temples. "Ole Paul's
got a headache the size of the Rocky Mountains. Why doncha strap some
butter to your feet and hustle me up some flapjacks."

Another week had passed and Paul had cleared as much of the great
American forest as those bleeding hearts up in Washington would let
fall. Wanting for a hardy meal, Paul carved up his ole blue ox, Babe,
and, diverting the Colorado River, boiled the meat in the great
Arizona crater. She was kinda tough, but the fellers were glad to
have something in their bellies.

"What are you going to do now, Paul?" asked one of the men.

Paul glanced way out over the horizon, standing all
thoughtful-like. "I've done cleared this land from tree to shining
tree," said Paul, "But there's a place down south with a forest so
thick that it might even take ole Paul a bit to clear."  The giant let
out a hardy chortle.  "I aim to go there, and clear the Amazon of all
those eye-sore trees for the American beef industry."  A cheer went up at
Paul's plan. New jobs and a sure-fire way to escape their gambling
debts and child support payments sure gave the men something to smile
about.

The man was as big as his plan. Paul found work almost the moment he
stepped over the Panama Canal. Paul and his men started clear cutting
and drinking like they never had before.  The people along the Rio
were happy cuz they could now make a starvation wage raising cattle
for their big white brother up north.

But no one was happier than Paul. He just kept grinning and grinning
and chewing on coca trees night and day. He was grinning right up to
the time he tripped over a line strapped between two Andes mountains
by some gauchos claiming revenge on Paul for stepping on their
families while drunk. Why, it took a scythe a slit that fella ear to
ear!

But that's another story. What I've done told is the clearing of
that savage land that made McDonald's, and by and by this American
dream, possible. So next time you're a sittin under those golden arches
chewing on a mouthful of cow, give thanks to that larger than
life lumberjack that cut the way for your meal.